Gizmo has been in a really good mood and a real demanding cuddle monster this week. We used to call him a “torpedo puppy” because he’d come attack you with his head like a torpedo when he wanted attention, but he hasn’t done that for many months now. This week, he did. He woke me up really early by getting up, coming to my side of the bed, and launching his head into mine. I pulled him up on the bed and we went back to sleep, and I was thrilled to see him do this for the first time in a long while. He’s been getting up and moving on his own, though he limps badly on his back right most of the time. Despite that, he has been eager to walk in the back alley – even doing a little walking without his cart. With the cart, he made it all the way to the park one day. At his physical therapy, they put a little boot on him to stop him from rolling his toes and he was walking normally for the session. He got excited about Colin coming home one day and even made an effort to jog to greet him. He spent one evening on his bed in my office while I worked, another thing he hasn’t been doing recently. One night when we went to bed, Gizmo came to my side and torpedoed me so I brought him up and let him sleep between Colin and me. I think this is the first time he’s slept in the bed with both of us. He usually only gets to sleep on the bed with me when Colin is away or I’m taking a nap, but the baby gets what the baby wants these days.
But there’s always a but. He won’t eat. He acts disgusted by his food bowl being placed in front of him as if the smell makes him nauseous. Colin suggested that he might have negative associations with the food since he’s been so nauseous from the sedation related to the chemo treatments (and to some extent probably the chemo itself). I stopped by our local pet store and they gave me a number of free samples to try and see what he will eat. Over the next few days we held a food tournament to determine his favorites and whether he would eat any of them mixed with his current food. There were some clear winners and losers and a few that he would love one day and then not eat the next. In the process, we got him to eat though. He even ate a little bit of his old kibble when it was mixed in with his favorites. However, after the first couple of days he stopped eating the old food entirely. This meant that I wouldn’t be able to follow the recommended procedure of slowly changing his food. I bought a bag of his second-favorite food. It was the one I’d hoped he liked since it was a large dog and joint health diet, and I want to keep the favorite in the back pocket in case he stops eating this one. It was also notably cheaper than his top choice. We gave him some boiled chicken every other meal to try and keep his stomach calm as he got used to the new food. Even with the chicken, he’s gotten picky. Boiling wasn’t enough; a couple of times I had to sauté it in a little butter before he would eat it. But he did take the new food without a fuss and we’re just happy that he’s eating something again. We didn’t want to keep trying to get him to eat something that he didn’t like. His remaining time is too short so he might as well enjoy it.
We do his daily assessments and while we are still having good days, we are having daily conversations about the factors in his quality of life and we are starting to come to terms with the idea that we will have to make the decision to let him go one of these days in the near future. It feels like it would be easier if it were the cancer we could point to. For another dog, someone might think the degree of limping and joint pain is an obvious call. For us, it’s just a progression of something we’ve been dealing with his entire life. Where do you really draw the line for a dog like this? Being conscious of the fact most people wait too long, we think the line is nearer than we’d like. Right now we’re just hoping that getting him to eat again will help rebuild some strength.