We had a good day yesterday. Gizmo has been eating, and he chooses to get up and follow me between rooms. He still isn’t choosing to come all the way into my office with me, but it is hot in there right now so perhaps that contributes. He is generally shifting his spots based on what I do, which is a good sign.
I would say that today is a good day, but there was certainly a moment in there that wasn’t. The morning started off good. He got up and demanded his cuddles from me and he ate. I asked him if he wanted to go outside and he didn’t, so I started getting ready to head out the door for work and figured Colin could take him later. As I was getting my shoes on, Gizmo hobbled into the mud room. I was so happy to see him come out and let me know he wanted to go outside after all. I took him out and he rushed down the alley at a good pace and found a spot to poo. He went and laid down while I cleaned it up and tossed it out. On my way back to him I decided to take a photo. As I got closer I realized he was making an uphappy face. Then I saw the pool spreading out from under him as he was peeing all over himself. I felt everything come crashing down. He was doing so good and yet in this moment he made no attempt to stand up or indicate to me that he needed help. I was so upset. I moved him from the puddle and then just sat down and took some deep breathes to try and calm down. I got him into the backyard and grabbed Colin. He reminded me that Gizmo has been doing so well and this could be a one-off thing. He had been holding it a while since he didn’t want to go out last night before bed, after all. I had to leave for work so Colin cleaned him in the yard and washed his harness and let me know Gizmo was enjoying hanging out in the backyard most of the day until it got too warm. When I got home, Gizmo got up to greet me by the door to insist on his cuddles so I breathed a sigh of relief.
Still, this constant roller coaster of emotions can be draining. Colin and I spend a good amount of time in the evening discussing Gizmo’s condition. It’s so hard to think about letting him go when he’s rallying and days can be good, but maybe this rallying doesn’t mean he’s actually good enough. We agreed that this weekend we’re going to start looking at the quality of life assessment and resources together so we can look more objectively and ensure we’re on the same page.